Hurt
by Armour-Duck
Summary: What if Shuichi was more determined to stay in New York? What if Yuki was more determined to get him home? Would Yuki be able to overcome his past in order to be with Shuichi? Suck at summaries. One shot, rated M for language.


_Disclaimer: I do not own any of the charachters or Gravitation. All of that belons to Maki Murakami and her co-workers._

**A/N: Yeah, I have no idea why I suddenly decided to write my own fanfic. I've just been enjoying other people's work, but I still had an urge to write something on my own. So, it's probably gonna suck... **

**Whatever. **

**This outplays in Track 37, when Yuki just almost killed Reiji, on the roof where he ask Shuichi to come home. **

**Or well, not exactly at that time, but in that situation. Reiji is not there, and they're probably not on a roof... But anyway. Plain and simple: If Shuichi would have been more determined to stay in New York, and Yuki was more determined to get him home, this is how I imagined it would have been. Very romantic from my point of view, but OOC as hell.**

_***I noticed that, in the manga, thay changed Yukis eyecolour from blue to some kind of gold. I have no idea why, but I will go with it.**_

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Shuichi slowly lifted his head to look at the blonde novelist's face. He bit his bottom lip in determination and focused all of his mind not to throw himself in Yuki's arms or to start crying. He had made up his mind; he was not going back to Japan.

So when he looked inte the golden* eyes of his former lover, he knew that it might be the last time he saw them. It filled him with sorrow, but he wouldn't change his mind and slowly let go of his lip.

"Yuki..." he started, taking a deep breath. "Yuki, I'm sorry. I'm not going back to Japan with you." The pink-haired singer watched as the other man widened his eyes a bit in surprise.

"Shuichi, I want you to come with me." His words were so... soft. Shuichi hadn't ever herd him say anything like that before. "Please."

"No. I made up my mind. I'm staying in New York, it will be the best for both of us." The singer felt that he was going to cry; but this time it would be different. He wouldn't cry like a spoiled baby, as usual, but more like a person who got their heart broken. Which was the way he felt right now.

That was why he had chosen this. When he and Yuki were together it allways ended up hurting one of them, or both. Besides; Shuichi needed to be loved. No matter how strong he felt about Yuki, he had to know if the novelist felt the same about him. This state of not-knowing just hurt him. Badly.

"You see" he continued, looking at the other man's feet, "Us being together only led to a lot of bad things happening. Everybody involved just got hurt. You, me, Mika-san, Seguchi-san, Ayaka-san, Hiro... The list goes on. I'm sorry, but none of us can live like that. Besides, if we are to be together, I need to know you care about me the way I do about you." Shuichi clenched his fists as he continued, "And you never said anything to show you loved me. For me, it seems like all you were out for was the sex." Now the first tears fell. He didn't stop them from falling. "But I need more than that. I need someone who loves me."

Yuki stood quiet. He watched the pink-haired boy as he talked, and recognized the words. That was exactly how he had treated his young lover. And he hated himself for it. When the teen stopped talking, the silence fell upon them. The only sounds heard were the singer's quiet sobs and, with each one of them, the blonde man wanted to hurt himself for being their cause.

Shuichi looked up at Yuki, with the tears streaming down his face.

"Say something!" He yelled, clenching his fists harder. "Just fucking say something. I can't stand it with you just looking at me like that. Dont you see? This is exactly why I don't want to come back. Because you never show anything. It's like you don't have any feelings at all. And it hurts. It hurts so bad."

"Shuichi, I'm sorry."

"Being sorry don't fucking help!" The teenager screamed with all his anger and sorrow. Yuki had hurt him so much, and all of his emotions now flowed out of him. "I know you have gone through horrible things. I know you haven't had it easy. But it don't give you permission to act like this! And I wanted... I wanted to belive that you could change. That if I loved you enough, you would open up. But I can only go so far. And I've reached the limit! I can't stand it anymore! I... I... I love you so much, Yuki, but I cant live like this. I just can't!"

The blonde man hated himself. He hated himself because he made Shuichi feel like this. He knew it was his own fault, and he regretted almost everything. The teenager's words almost brought Yuki to tears as well. All he wanted was to hold the singer close, to promise that he'd never be treated that way again... but how could he make such a promise, knowing that it may be a lie?

"Shuichi, I..." He didn't know what to say. Yuki couldn't take his eyes of the face in front of him, the man he loved so much and had hurt so bad. "I... I don't know what to say. I'm afraid that if I tell you how I feel... We'll both get hurt. I'm sorry. All I wanted was for you to be happy. I knew you couldn't be happy with me, but... I wanted to. I wanted to be close to you. I..." The novelist stopped, terrifyed of what he was about to say. But did he have a choise? He closed his eyes. _I hate you, Kitazawa. I hate you for making me like this. _"I... I love you, Shuichi. And it frightens me. Because... The people I love just end up getting hurt. And I already hurt you too much. Please, forgive me. For everything."

Shuichi was still crying. He couldn't belive Yuki had just said that. A part of him wanted nothing more than to run into the novelist's arms and never let go, while another part didn't belive it.

"Yuki..." Shuichi's voice was nothing more than a whisper now, "I don't know. I want to trust you, but I can't. It happened too much. I-"

"Please, Shuichi." Yuki interrupted him. " I beg you. Please trust me. I know I don't deserve it, but I can't..." He still had problems expressing himself. "Please."

The pink-haired boy looked into the other man's eyes, who also flowed over with tears by now. It was the second time ever he watched Eiri Yuki cry. Oh, well, Eiri Uesugi, but Shuichi would never stop thinking about him as Yuki.

That's what convinced him. The blonde never cried unless he had a fucking good reason to.

"Yuki. I trust you. For the last time, you hear that? If you screw up this time, I will not give you another chance."

The novelist looked into the teenager's eyes and knew he was right, and a second later he held the boy close to his chest and felt like he never wanted to let go.

He was also aware that he didn't deserve this chance, and he promised himself and Shuichi that he wouldn't screw up. Nothing in the world would make him spoil this. Nothing would ever stop him from being with Shuichi again. Nothing.

"I'm so sorry." He mumbled into the singer's pink hair. "I love you, Shuichi."

"I love you too, Yuki." The teen mumbled back. "You know I do."

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**A/N: So... Here you go. If it sucks, please tell me so. And yes, I know I over-used the word 'hurt', but still. I like it.**

**Thank you Frozen Midnight for pointing out grammar that needed to be changed. I'm sorry if I bothered you by taking the exact words _you_ wrote, but it was soo good I didn't want to change it. (I know I'm sucking up to you, it's my usual tactics when I fear I'm pissing people off. Just ask my teachers. ^_^)**

**Oh, and in case anyone actually likes this, please show it by reviewing! Reviews make me happy. :)**


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